Friday, June 7, 2013

This is a polling test...

Do you like polls?

I mean, do you REALLY like polls?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I love this matchup.

Tuesday, March 20:

Personally, I'm going with Elena Delle Donne and the Fightin' Hens...

Monday, March 12, 2012

2012 NCAA Tournament Predictions

Official MMM projections for the Men's and Women's NCAA Basketball tournaments are now available here:

2012 March Mascot Madness

Featured matchups this year include dueling devils, the Battle for Blue, catfights galore, and the rise of the she-wolf. The Michigan Wolverines are poised for greatness, but tornadoes stand in the way. For the record, I'm officially pulling for the Hens, but Bears are an awfully tough draw - especially 6'8" ones.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

2011 NCAA Tournament Guide

In case you need any help with your picks, consult here.

Friday, January 8, 2010


Alas, 1 game under .500 and tied with ESPN's "expert" ain't so bad...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

It All Comes Down to the Title Game

With 33 contests in the books, MMM is tied with Sports Illustrated's Stuart Mandel with a 16-17 record. One game behind is ESPN's Bruce Feldman at 15-18.

Both Mandel and Feldman have picked 'Bama in the title game, but owing to classic mascot ambiguity on the part of the Tide/Elephants, MMM is going with the 'Horns. Should Texas prevail, MMM will claim 2009-10 bowl prediction superiority, while a 'Bama win gives the title to SI...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Marquee Mascot Matchup - 2010 Sugar Bowl

Florida Gators (12-1)


Cincinnati Bearcats (12-0

Tale of the Tape:


American Alligator
Alligator mississippiensis
Arctictis binturong
13' / 800 lbHeight / Weight2'6" / 25 lb
Natural Habitat
Anything it can get it's jaws on
Fruit, eggs, small rodents & birds
Skin covered with...
Hiss, grunt, growl
Chuckle, whine
18 total (5 each front foot, and 4 each rear)
20 total, retractable
(5 each foot)
...the swamp
Smells like...
30" (estimated)
Vertical Jump
42" (estimated)
Favorite Sports Drink
Civet Coffee


The well-known American Alligator is a familiar character in the swamps, bogs, and otherwise hot, humid, mosquito-infested wetlands of the southeastern U.S. It's ferocity is understood, respected, and the source of many tragic stories about family pets, relatives, and sometimes children. Surprisingly, it is relatively uncommon as a mascot.

Bearcats on the other hand are comparatively misunderstood, even though they're more common mascots. "Bearcat" is a colloquial term for the binturong, an animal that is in fact neither bear nor cat. Native to southeast Asia, the binturong is one of the larger members of the Viverridae family, which also includes the relatively unknown civets and genets. All are carnivorous or omnivorous, cat-like creatures with long bodies and short legs, best known for retractable claws, penis bones, and pungent butt glands. The Bearcat's butt gland produces a distinctive odor said to resemble that of warm, buttered popcorn. No word on the comparative popularity of salad tossing on the Cincinnati campus.

Both the Gator and Bearcat have long, large tails. The Gator uses it for swimming, and the Bearcat for balance while hanging and jumping about on trees. Thus, expect the tailback position to be a key to this game. Florida will plow straight ahead with Tebow and Demps, while Cincinnatti will mix up different looks from Isaiah Pead and speedy receivers coming out of the backfield.

The Gators have a major size and speed advantage. They need to be quick, explosive, and aggressive in taking the game to the Bearcats. Florida wants this to be a physical game in the trenches. They'll be wise to emphasize the the run game, as going to the air favors the Bearcat. With hind legs that can rotate backward, the Bearcat DBs can turn on a dime.

For the Gators this is all about the chomp. Their bite is among the strongest of all animals. Don't believe me? Just ask this guy:

Despite what might seem at first to be a decisive advantage, the Gators have a little-known fatal flaw, namely that the muscles used to open the jaw are quite weak. This allows the dangerous Gator jaws to be held shut with as little as a clenched hand or wrapping of duct tape, rendering the otherwise vicious predator a pathetic, wriggling sack of scales. Thus it's critical for the Gators to keep their jaws open. Expect a lot of trash talk, including repeated references to the Bearcats' "popcorn ass."

The Bearcats cannot compete in the trenches against the Gators. Cincinnati must employ great schemes and technical execution. What they lack in speed and strength is mitigated by superior hearing and field vision. As arboreal mammals, the Bearcats need to spread the field like the branches of a tree. Stay in the air. Bearcats are great at climbing trees and leaping branch-to-branch. Thus they'd be wise to employ the swing pass. Defensively the best move is probably just to get out of the way. One exception is the need to counter the Gators' vocal leadership. The Bearcats must take chances at getting to the quarterback and using their prehensile tail to clamp the Gator jaws shut.

A night game favors nocturnal Bearcat, but the indoor venue (Louisiana Superdome) may negate this advantage. On the other hand, it protects against rain and thus swamp-like conditions that would favor the Gator. Home field advantage definitely goes to the Gator.

Though the Bearcats come in 12-0, they haven't really been tested against an apex predator, and had close games against carnivorous mammals including Huskies, Mountaineers, and Panthers. The Gators have a strong resume against dudes wielding weapons and carnivorous mammals, but haven't faced a real vertical threat. There are no flying animals or specialized climbers on the schedule, and the only bird is a ground-dwelling fighting chicken. They were stampeded by an ambiguously crimson tide of elephants in the SEC championship game. Common opponents are dogs - specifically Bulldogs, against whom the Gators went 2-0 with a 17 point average margin of victory. The Bearcats beat Fresno Bulldogs by 8, and dominated Salukis 70-3.


MMM expects this one to be a high-scoring shootout, with the Gators running roughshod over the Bearcat D, and the nimble Bearcat offense wreaking havoc on the ground-dwelling reptiles. The defense that shows up for the 4th quarter wins this one. The Bearcats have less margin for error, and thus a slight edge goes to the Gators.

Gators, 42-38.

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 3

With a 7-6 record through 13 games (tying ESPN and half game ahead of SI), we're ready for the final week. The Marquee Mascot Matchup features the Florida Gators and Cincinnati Bearcats in the Allstate Sugar Bowl.

Week 3 Remaining Contests:

OutbackWildcats vs. TIGERSWildcats unlucky again. Tigers are bigger wild cats.
Capital OneNittany Lions vs. TIGERSDitto.
GatorSEMINOLES vs. MountaineersEven hillbillies don't know as many tricks as Bobby Bowden.
RoseBuckeyes vs. DUCKSSmooth sailing as long as Oregon flies above the trees.
SugarGators vs. BearcatsMarquee Mascot Matchup
InternationalBulls vs. HUSKIESNew year, same mascots, same results. Cold Canada favors sled dogs, eh?
Papa JohnsHuskies vs. GAMECOCKSFighting chickens send the fur flying.
CottonCowboys vs. REBELSAdvantage Ole Miss with a slightly larger ten-gallon hat.
LibertyPirates vs. RAZORBACKSYou want both eyes in a battle vs. a wild pig.
AlamoSpartans vs. RED RAIDERSThat guy on the horse is creepy. Suggest retreating to Sparta.
FiestaHORNED FROGS vs. BroncosNo defense in this game. Spiny lizards outmaneuver hooves.
OrangeHawkeyes vs. YELLOW JACKETSSuperior aerial agility.
GMACTrojans vs. CHIPPEWASPrevious victory over Michigan State suggests trouble for warriors of antiquity.
BCS TitleCrimson Tide vs. LONGHORNSI hate to pick a cow, but 'Bama must choose between colors and elephants. See FAQ.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 2

MMM is off to a strong start with a 2-1 record through the first three contests (Golden Knights vs. Scarlet Knights was a tough call). In comparison, the Sports Illustrated "expert" (Stuart Mandel) is 0-3, while ESPN's Bruce Feldman is a sub-.500 1-2.

Week 2: Featured Matchups - Mammals vs. Storms

Miami Hurricanes vs. Wisconsin Badgers

December hurricanes are rare, but have occurred in the Atlantic as late as December 30. Florida is prime hurricane territory, and if one shows up even the ferocious badgers are in trouble.


Minnesota Golden Gophers vs. Iowa State Cyclones

Tornadoes are seriously formidable opponents, but what better shelter than a gopher hole? In a low scoring affair...


Week 2: Remaining Contests

Little CaesarsTHUNDERING HERD vs. BobcatsThis Herd has already defeated Tigers and Dragons.
Meineke Car CareTarheels vs. PANTHERSI like the predatory cat over Ramses.
EmeraldEagles vs. TROJANSEver tried flying into SFO in December?
Music CityTIGERS vs. WildcatsTough draw, UK. Better luck in basketball season.
IndependenceAggies vs. BULLDOGSChomp chomp, Uga.
EagleBankOWLS vs. BruinsBirds triumph in the Bird Bowl
HumanitarianVandals vs. FALCONSThievery is not humane.
HolidayCornhuskers vs. WILDCATSHusking corn is not the same as skinning a cat.
Armed ForcesCOUGARS vs. FalconsClaws in a tight one over talons.
SunSOONERS vs. CardinalThe Sooner is a stupid mascot, but even it beats a color.
TexasTIGERS vs. MidshipmenWeary sealegs make for trouble against a top tier mammalian predator.
Chick-fil-AHOKIES vs. VolunteersMascot ambiguity dooms the Vols if the NCAA doesn't first.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 1

Welcome to the 2009-2010 edition of Mascot Bowl Season. This year's matchups will be presented in three weekly installments, culminating with the Marquee Mascot Matchup, Gators vs. Bearcats in the Allstate Sugar Bowl.

Week 1: Featured Matchup

Southern Miss Golden Eagles vs. Eastern Tennessee Blue Raiders

At first glance the Eagle looks pretty serious, and the whole flying and talon-wielding thing would normally pull weight. But that's a LIGHTNING-BREATHING, FLYING HORSE.

RS, 35-21.

Week 1: Remaining Contests

New MexicoBulldogs vs. COWBOYSEven rough and tumble dogs struggle against the six-shooter.
St. PetersburgScarlet Knights vs. GOLDEN KNIGHTSPopular retirement destination favors all things golden.
Las VegasCougars vs. BEAVERSEver so close to roses, the hardworking, bucktoothed Beavs have something to prove.
PoinsettiaUtes vs. GOLDEN BEARSUtes traditionally worship bears, including an annual Bear Dance.
Hawai`iMustangs vs. WOLFPACKWolves in Honolulu? Strange, but horses are easy prey.