2011 NCAA Tournament Guide

In case you need any help with your picks, consult here.

Whomp...

Alas, 1 game under .500 and tied with ESPN's "expert" ain't so bad...

It All Comes Down to the Title Game

With 33 contests in the books, MMM is tied with Sports Illustrated's Stuart Mandel with a 16-17 record. One game behind is ESPN's Bruce Feldman at 15-18.

Both Mandel and Feldman have picked 'Bama in the title game, but owing to classic mascot ambiguity on the part of the Tide/Elephants, MMM is going with the 'Horns. Should Texas prevail, MMM will claim 2009-10 bowl prediction superiority, while a 'Bama win gives the title to SI...

Marquee Mascot Matchup - 2010 Sugar Bowl

Florida Gators (12-1)

VS.

Cincinnati Bearcats (12-0)

Tale of the Tape:

Gator		Bearcat
American Alligator Alligator mississippiensis	Species	Binturong Arctictis binturong
Reptile	Class	Mammal
13' / 800 lb	Height / Weight	2'6" / 25 lb
Swamp	Natural Habitat	Forest
Anything it can get it's jaws on	Diet	Fruit, eggs, small rodents & birds
...scales	Skin covered with...	...fur
Hiss, grunt, growl	Vocalization	Chuckle, whine
Spiked	Tail	Prehensile
18 total (5 each front foot, and 4 each rear)	Claws	20 total, retractable (5 each foot)
...the swamp	Smells like...	...popcorn
30" (estimated)	Vertical Jump	42" (estimated)
Gatorade	Favorite Sports Drink	Civet Coffee

Preview:

The well-known American Alligator is a familiar character in the swamps, bogs, and otherwise hot, humid, mosquito-infested wetlands of the southeastern U.S. It's ferocity is understood, respected, and the source of many tragic stories about family pets, relatives, and sometimes children. Surprisingly, it is relatively uncommon as a mascot.

Bearcats on the other hand are comparatively misunderstood, even though they're more common mascots. "Bearcat" is a colloquial term for the binturong, an animal that is in fact neither bear nor cat. Native to southeast Asia, the binturong is one of the larger members of the Viverridae family, which also includes the relatively unknown civets and genets. All are carnivorous or omnivorous, cat-like creatures with long bodies and short legs, best known for retractable claws, penis bones, and pungent butt glands. The Bearcat's butt gland produces a distinctive odor said to resemble that of warm, buttered popcorn. Implications for social norms on the Cincinnati campus are left to the reader's imagination.

Both the Gator and Bearcat have long, large tails. The Gator uses it for swimming, and the Bearcat for balance while hanging and jumping about on trees. Thus, expect the tailback position to be a key to this game. Florida will plow straight ahead with Tebow and Demps, while Cincinnatti will mix up different looks from Isaiah Pead and speedy receivers coming out of the backfield.

The Gators have a major size and speed advantage. They need to be quick, explosive, and aggressive in taking the game to the Bearcats. Florida wants this to be a physical game in the trenches. They'll be wise to emphasize the the run game, as going to the air favors the Bearcat. With hind legs that can rotate backward, the Bearcat DBs can turn on a dime.

For the Gators this is all about the chomp. Their bite is among the strongest of all animals. Don't believe me? Just ask this guy:

Despite what might seem at first to be a decisive advantage, the Gators have a little-known fatal flaw, namely that the muscles used to open the jaw are quite weak. This allows the dangerous Gator jaws to be held shut with as little as a clenched hand or wrapping of duct tape, rendering the otherwise vicious predator a pathetic, wriggling sack of scales. Thus it's critical for the Gators to keep their jaws open. Expect a lot of trash talk, including repeated references to the Bearcats' "popcorn ass."

The Bearcats cannot compete in the trenches against the Gators. Cincinnati must employ great schemes and technical execution. What they lack in speed and strength is mitigated by superior hearing and field vision. As arboreal mammals, the Bearcats need to spread the field like the branches of a tree. Stay in the air. Bearcats are great at climbing trees and leaping branch-to-branch. Thus they'd be wise to employ the swing pass. Defensively the best move is probably just to get out of the way. One exception is the need to counter the Gators' vocal leadership. The Bearcats must take chances at getting to the quarterback and using their prehensile tail to clamp the Gator jaws shut.

A night game favors nocturnal Bearcat, but the indoor venue (Louisiana Superdome) may negate this advantage. On the other hand, it protects against rain and thus swamp-like conditions that would favor the Gator. Home field advantage definitely goes to the Gator.

Though the Bearcats come in 12-0, they haven't really been tested against an apex predator, and had close games against carnivorous mammals including Huskies, Mountaineers, and Panthers. The Gators have a strong resume against dudes wielding weapons and carnivorous mammals, but haven't faced a real vertical threat. There are no flying animals or specialized climbers on the schedule, and the only bird is a ground-dwelling fighting chicken. They were stampeded by an ambiguously crimson tide of elephants in the SEC championship game. Common opponents are dogs - specifically Bulldogs, against whom the Gators went 2-0 with a 17 point average margin of victory. The Bearcats beat Fresno Bulldogs by 8, and dominated Salukis 70-3.

Outlook:

MMM expects this one to be a high-scoring shootout, with the Gators running roughshod over the Bearcat D, and the nimble Bearcat offense wreaking havoc on the ground-dwelling reptiles. The defense that shows up for the 4th quarter wins this one. The Bearcats have less margin for error, and thus a slight edge goes to the Gators.

Gators, 42-38.

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 3

With a 7-6 record through 13 games (tying ESPN and half game ahead of SI), we're ready for the final week. The Marquee Mascot Matchup features the Florida Gators and Cincinnati Bearcats in the Allstate Sugar Bowl.

Week 3 Remaining Contests:

Outback	Wildcats vs. TIGERS	Wildcats unlucky again. Tigers are bigger wild cats.
Capital One	Nittany Lions vs. TIGERS	Ditto.
Gator	SEMINOLES vs. Mountaineers	Even hillbillies don't know as many tricks as Bobby Bowden.
Rose	Buckeyes vs. DUCKS	Smooth sailing as long as Oregon flies above the trees.
Sugar	Gators vs. Bearcats	Marquee Mascot Matchup
International	Bulls vs. HUSKIES	New year, same mascots, same results. Cold Canada favors sled dogs, eh?
Papa Johns	Huskies vs. GAMECOCKS	Fighting chickens send the fur flying.
Cotton	Cowboys vs. REBELS	Advantage Ole Miss with a slightly larger ten-gallon hat.
Liberty	Pirates vs. RAZORBACKS	You want both eyes in a battle vs. a wild pig.
Alamo	Spartans vs. RED RAIDERS	That guy on the horse is creepy. Suggest retreating to Sparta.
Fiesta	HORNED FROGS vs. Broncos	No defense in this game. Spiny lizards outmaneuver hooves.
Orange	Hawkeyes vs. YELLOW JACKETS	Superior aerial agility.
GMAC	Trojans vs. CHIPPEWAS	Previous victory over Michigan State suggests trouble for warriors of antiquity.
BCS Title	Crimson Tide vs. LONGHORNS	I hate to pick a cow, but 'Bama must choose between colors and elephants. See FAQ.

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 2

MMM is off to a strong start with a 2-1 record through the first three contests (Golden Knights vs. Scarlet Knights was a tough call). In comparison, the Sports Illustrated "expert" (Stuart Mandel) is 0-3, while ESPN's Bruce Feldman is a sub-.500 1-2.

Week 2: Featured Matchups - Mammals vs. Storms

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL
Miami Hurricanes vs. Wisconsin Badgers

December hurricanes are rare, but have occurred in the Atlantic as late as December 30. Florida is prime hurricane territory, and if one shows up even the ferocious badgers are in trouble.

HURRICANES, 28-14.


INSIGHT BOWL
Minnesota Golden Gophers vs. Iowa State Cyclones

Tornadoes are seriously formidable opponents, but what better shelter than a gopher hole? In a low scoring affair...

GOPHERS, 7-3.







Week 2: Remaining Contests

Little Caesars	THUNDERING HERD vs. Bobcats	This Herd has already defeated Tigers and Dragons.
Meineke Car Care	Tarheels vs. PANTHERS	I like the predatory cat over Ramses.
Emerald	Eagles vs. TROJANS	Ever tried flying into SFO in December?
Music City	TIGERS vs. Wildcats	Tough draw, UK. Better luck in basketball season.
Independence	Aggies vs. BULLDOGS	Chomp chomp, Uga.
EagleBank	OWLS vs. Bruins	Birds triumph in the Bird Bowl
Humanitarian	Vandals vs. FALCONS	Thievery is not humane.
Holiday	Cornhuskers vs. WILDCATS	Husking corn is not the same as skinning a cat.
Armed Forces	COUGARS vs. Falcons	Claws in a tight one over talons.
Sun	SOONERS vs. Cardinal	The Sooner is a stupid mascot, but even it beats a color.
Texas	TIGERS vs. Midshipmen	Weary sealegs make for trouble against a top tier mammalian predator.
Chick-fil-A	HOKIES vs. Volunteers	Mascot ambiguity dooms the Vols if the NCAA doesn't first.

College Football Bowl Guide, Week 1

Welcome to the 2009-2010 edition of Mascot Bowl Season. This year's matchups will be presented in three weekly installments, culminating with the Marquee Mascot Matchup, Gators vs. Bearcats in the Allstate Sugar Bowl.

Week 1: Featured Matchup

NEW ORLEANS BOWL
Southern Miss Golden Eagles vs. Eastern Tennessee Blue Raiders

At first glance the Eagle looks pretty serious, and the whole flying and talon-wielding thing would normally pull weight. But that's a LIGHTNING-BREATHING, FLYING HORSE.

BLUE RAIDERS, 35-21.


Week 1: Remaining Contests

New Mexico	Bulldogs vs. COWBOYS	Even rough and tumble dogs struggle against the six-shooter.
St. Petersburg	Scarlet Knights vs. GOLDEN KNIGHTS	Popular retirement destination favors all things golden.
Las Vegas	Cougars vs. BEAVERS	Ever so close to roses, the hardworking, bucktoothed Beavs have something to prove.
Poinsettia	Utes vs. GOLDEN BEARS	Utes traditionally worship bears, including an annual Bear Dance.
Hawai`i	Mustangs vs. WOLFPACK	Wolves in Honolulu? Strange, but horses are easy prey.

William & Mary Mascot Search - Official Position

It has recently come to the attention of MMM that The College of William & Mary is in the process of selecting a new mascot to replace their current - politically incorrect - mascot, the Tribe. It is important in this situation that an official position on the matter be made clear.

First of all, I wasn't consulted. I should have been, because if I was we certainly wouldn't have this abhorrent group of finalists, which (and I wish I was kidding) includes a Griffin, a King & Queen, a Phoenix, a Pug, and a Wren. Yes, you read that right. A Wren.

Recognize that the transition from politically-incorrect, imperial, Native American-objectifying mascot to something more socially tenable is wrought with peril, and not without precedent. Consider Stanford University, who went from the Indian - discriminatory, yes, but at least tangible - to the color Cardinal. A color? In an attempt to make up for such obvious stupidity, in came this character in a tree costume, which served only to introduce mascot ambiguity. Big mistake. Proud school with a great athletic tradition stuck in a perpetual mascot cellar.

Memo to W&M AD Terry Driscoll, chairman of the mascot search committee: Avoid that kind of mistake. Counterexample: Marquette University abandons the Warrior and goes with a somewhat generic but classic, reliable Golden Eagle. Strong move.

To be perfectly clear, here are the problems with the proposed W&M mascots:

1) Griffin. Good idea in terms of being unique, traditional, and even fierce. But it's a little esoteric. People don't know what Griffins are. They don't want to figure it out. They'll think you're talking about Merv Griffin. That's not a good look.

2) King & Queen. Besides the obvious associations with the Burger King guy and this sitcom about a UPS driver, the problem here is the team name. "Hey, wanna go watch the Kings & Queens game tonight?" "GO KINGS AND QUEENS!" A institution of higher education at least needs some grammar that works.

3) Phoenix. OK, I'm still with you on the whole mythical creature thing, but you can't pluralize Phoenix. Phoenices? That's a combination of penis and feces. You really want to go there?

4) Pug. Pug. This is a pug. The image of your university - seriously? That's the best you've got? Good luck against a bulldog. Or wolfpack. Or fairy.


5) Wren. Unless you're gonna go with a classic (e.g. Cardinals), I just can't support a songbird for anything but a music conservatory.

Here are a couple better options:

Cottonmouth. Venomous snake native to southeastern Virginia. Simplify to Vipers if necessary. Yeah snakes creep a lot of people out (myself included), but think of the possibilities. Two words: live mascot.










Royal. Too bad Old Dominion beat you to the Monarch, but you can still adapt. Use your King & Queen concept, all the history, etc. But make the name work. This is the official MMM recommendation.













You're welcome.

Welcome to MMM

Welcome to the Marquee Mascot Matchup blog, new for college bowl season, 2009. For 6 years I've been publishing expert analysis of college football and basketball games, based upon attributes of the respective teams' mascots. I've had mixed success. For example, several years ago my college football bowl guide outperformed the pundits at both Sports Illustrated and ESPN. On the other hand, the 2008 Cal State Fullerton Titans incomprehensibly failed to win the national hoops title. Below I've posted links to the complete MMM archive, the past year's college football and basketball guides, and a Frequently Asked Questions section. Stay tuned for the 2009 Bowl Guide in the coming week. You can count on MMM for unique insight into the world of college sports, or failing that at least for humorous entertainment. Beats going back to work. Enjoy.

Marquee Mascot Matchup Archives

Archived mascot matchups (2003-2009), including college bowl guides and March Mascot Madness can be found here.