Virginia Tech Hokies (11-2)
VS.
Kansas Jayhawks (11-1)
Tale of the Tape:
| Hokie | Jayhawk | |
| Eastern Wild Turkey Meleangris gallopavo silvestris | Nearest Living Relative | Blue Jay Cyanocitta cristata, and Sparrow Hawk Falco sparverius |
| 2'4" / 18 lb | Height / Weight | 8" / 0.5 lb |
| Blacksburg, VA | Hometown | Lawrence, KS |
| Grass, seeds, occasional small vertebrate | Diet | Insects, lizards, small mammals/birds |
| Gobble | Vocalization | Chirp, Whine |
| 315 lb | Bench Press | Unknown, no arms |
| 4.5 (estimated) | 40 yd Dash | Very slow |
| Tail, Biceps | Distinctively Oversized Body Part | Beak, feet |
| "Hokie Hokie Hokie Hy!" | Battle Cry | "Rock Chalk Jayhawk!" |
| New all orange uniforms unveiled | X-Factor | Orange Bowl changed to a basketball game |
Preview:
Well folks, it's bowl season once again. Who could have predicted all the madness of this fall in college football? With upsets abounding, MMM knows that fans look here for the insight and analysis to pick winners in the annual holiday football festivities. Last year's bowl guide went 20-12, surpassing the experts at both ESPN and Sports Illustrated. We're going for a perfect 32-0 this year, headlined by our Marquee Mascot Matchup - the Hokies of Virginia Tech versus the Jayhawks of Kansas, in the FedEx Orange Bowl Battle of the Mythical, Flightless Birds.
Legend holds that the Jayhawk is a mix between two real birds - the blue jay and the sparrow hawk. The former is known for its aggression and thievery; the latter for skilled hunting. Both are known to have wings and fly, leaving some curiosity about the anatomy of the Jayhawk. Evidently some twist of jay/hawk cross-breeding results in flightless offspring with short, stubby wings, a gigantic beak, and shoes. Hey, what happens in Kansas stays in Kansas. But given this fact, we're left to ask exactly what traits of either Jays or Hawks might be retained in a Jayhawk.
The Hokie has a clearer lineage. Though the Hokie name originated as an abstract concept in the form of a chant, for a number of years Virginia Tech has been affiliated with turkeys. Formerly known as the Fighting Gobblers, the team has more recently adopted the turkey-like Hokie Bird. Still curious however is the fact that the Hokie Bird has apparently lost wings and therefore flight in exchange for mammalian arms, hands, and suspiciously large biceps.
The Hokies have a distinctive size advantage, weighing in about 20 times larger than the Jayhawks. One wonders in fact how a Jayhawk can even hold a football that's four times its size. If you're Virginia Tech, you want to play a power, ball possession game that caters to this advantage. Mix up the play calling and especially the gobble-heavy snap count to keep the Jayhawks guessing.
Kansas on the other hand needs to look to lessons of aggression and thievery learned from its blue jay ancestors. Defensive turnovers are the name of the game if you're wearing red and blue. Expect the Jayhawks to open up the playbook with some new, tricky stuff on the offensive side of the ball. Va Tech is wise to beware of play action and double reverse where the Jayhawks could easily hide the football in their ginormous beaks.
Review of the teams' respective schedules to date shows parity of strength versus common opponents. Both teams had success against small cats, Native Americans, and storm systems. Both also were convincingly defeated by Tigers. The Jayhawks have posted an impressive record against large carnivorous mammals including lions, panthers, and bears. The Hokies haven't been tested here, but do have a 2-0 record against guys with swords, and unlike Kansas have demonstrated success against a mythical creature - the supernatural Duke Blue Devil. This will be the Jayhawks' first match against both birds and mythical creatures, while the Hokies have a 1-1 record against avian opponents.
Outlook:
Expect the Hokies to control this game early on, frustrating Kansas with stifling defense and a lot of tailfeather shaking. This game can turn very quickly on the Jayhawk offense, however, and the 4th quarter will be a nailbiter.
Va Tech holds on, 20-17.
